The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a candle peddler named Satine with soul-crushing blue eyes and a knack for fitting large quantities of candles into our single wide trailer. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in a car, driving to various cow laden Midwest towns, soaking in the smells of middle America. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of 21 I moved out on my own and carried with me a dependence on the pleasant olfactory standards my mother had instilled in me. At the age of 34, a Zoroastrian named Vilma recommended I open my own candle shop to help me save money on my worsening candle addiction. There really is nothing like a handmade soy candle. At the age of 35, I opened my Etsy shop and was able to share my wares with the other candle addicts of the world. From there....
Well if you made it through that whole monologue then you're probably thinking "Why is she paraphrasing Dr. Evil's scene from Austin Powers??" or possibly "What is wrong with this chick?" I'm a little lazy and certainly weird, that's for sure! Just weird enough to make hilarious (I think) candles that actually smell good and also don't give you a headache like all those other chain store candles do. That's how this all came to be, actually. I was tired of blowing all my money on B&BW candles that gave me a headache and decided to blow it on building my own candle operation, during a pandemic no less! After many months of testing and several company names later, Crass Candle Co. was born! I am a one woman operation (with help from a handsome lumberjack and two fur assistants) in the heart of Phoenix, Arizona. I make candles that I think will get a laugh from my friends and family and hopefully a new customer or two!
So hey! Welcome to my website! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or even ideas that you want to share!
- Tristen -